The Tomlinsons – Amber – Episode 3 – pt 4

She walked out the flat breathing sincerely in and out, trying to resist the temptation to go back and retrieve her sunglasses. She decided that was a horrific idea and went back. She was convinced if she could talk herself into doing what she was about to do then it would be tolerable, a nominated performance. Going to work was habitually a retreat for her, the opportunity to act like she was alright, with the option to leave at 17:30pm and letting her curtsy out of the days concert and then return to having a self-melt down. She tried to be a workaholic but it always made her weary and affected the over all illusion she wanted to give.

She had gotten so good at it that she had earned her place as a valuable member of her company and had worked her way up to a role of responsibility. She had been feeling the pressure since, mainly from a miniature troublesome voice inside she tried to silence telling her that she wasn’t happy and that this wasn’t right. The best way to hush the beast inside was show it that she was superior, and fight through the doubt and fear of it actually being the truth. In turn though making her timid and anxious about everything.

Entering the office, she slipped past the gossip herd with their pink lipstick and cardboard coffee cups and darted straight for her desk in the corner by the exit door, pretty fitting really. She noticed her body temperature then, the heat wave coming off of her skin. She stripped off her layers and searched for a bottle of water she remembered leaving somewhere. Tapping apprehensively on the desk with her overgrown nails, she caught her reflection in her computer screen. She stopped for a minute and began to observe how long it took her to recognise it was her, the perfection she normally maintained was draining away and sat in front of her was a unwell, frightened woman who needed to run away and start again.

Mark creeped up on her from behind and stopped in contemplation. He was about to swing her chair round to face him as habit, but he knew now that things were different. Amber hadn’t been in work, probably having her standard breakdowns for two weeks, the ones they didn’t talk about or admit. This one being the longest one on record so far and Jonathan, well he had walked away. Would it be misconstrued if he acted how he typically did round her? The fact that she could now love him back freely was too strong a temptation for him that he stopped himself from kneeling down and trying to make her laugh like he really wanted to.

What would she be like now, even more disjointed and broken? Would she be what he remembered and had carried in his mind continuously for the last two week? A woman who had so many layers and vices and she showed him all of them, although she didn’t know that. Was that part of the allure, if he ever told her that would it change the balance or dynamic between them? He had never known a human being like her, there was a vulnerable truth that she let out every time they spoke and all he wanted to do was help her and watch her grow with him, to become strong. He knew this to be a dangerous need, he had always liked to fix broken things but this was different, if only she would trust him enough to hold his hand and let them walk through this together then, together it would get better.

He bent down and wrapped his arms around her shoulders and rested his head against head. She didn’t pull back but lent closer into the hold.
‘Hi you’
‘Hi yourself’
‘You ok?’
‘I think so’

He then swung the chair round, so he could look at her. There was too much truth too soon to ignore the signs. She sat in front of him, he bent down to meet her. There she was, he tried to resist the urge to not study every freckle and facial expression but it was instinctual now and he didn’t care. She had been through a battle, the signs were clear in her slim face and cried out eyes. She seemed smaller than usual, introverted and protective yet open to be helped.

‘I need to go home don’t I?’ she whispered
He nodded.